Anyone can rap battle… but can you rap battle like a f*cking man? No, you can’t. You are a b*tch. f*ck you.
Rules: 18 bars are for poor people. We go straight 360 bars, no break. Every four lines must be a repeat of the first line in the group. No vowels are permitted in the second, ninth, thirty third, sixty fourth, one hundredth, two hundred and nineteenth, and three hundred and thirty seventh lines. You must have a racial slur population of at least 15%. If you talk about guns, you must devote ten lines to how to properly equip, load, and maintain them. If you talk about dropping bombs, you must specify what kind of bombs you are dropping and include an approved manual for said bombs operation. Any mentioning of b*tches, hos, sluts, etc. must be accompanied by naked pictures of women, including mothers, in which case the picture must be of the mother giving birth. If you talk about growing up on the streets, you must provide a home address verifiable on google maps. If you say you spit fire, you must visually demonstrate this talent. If you say you are smarter than everyone, you must produce a Nobel Prize and/or a Fields Medal, preferably for combinatorial mathematics. YOU CAN NOT BE GAY, unless your rhymes are witty and clever in a gay way. YOU CAN NOT BE BLACK, unless you are black, then that’s cool. You must reference the following: Barack Obama buttf*cking his daughters, the fact that Jesus was bipolar, the unreasonable hairiness of Indian women, the subjective taste of Snapple Strawberry Kiwi, Urban Meyer, Voltaire’s Candide, The architecture and geodesic domes of R. Buckminster Fuller, Pragmatism by William James, Platonic Solids, the Moebius Strip, the difference between elastic and inelastic goods in microeconomics, the Krebs Cycle, Base hydrolysis, and differential equations. Lack of these references voids your entry. Finally, you must devote seven bars by which you connect Tony Todd to Kevin Bacon.
This is how MEN rap. f*ck THE REST OF YOU.
Roses are red,
Violets are gay,
“I’m a soaking wet pussy,”
Is what you should say.
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