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THE FIRST VERSE OF MINE ON SINAMAS “FOLLOW MY LEAD”

UserPost

11:56 pm
May 24, 2008


cmotiv

Underling

posts 18

1

Please dont question me ill lay u out orally like a dentist

Drillin holes in to ur flaws i call cavaties

I aint really nothin but on this beat im a heavenly ghost

till ya dead and a obituarys a haverty

check my whole rhymebook the shyt is like a gallery

niggaz in the game aint got shyt on my but a salary

motiv is so motivated as u can see

and to the jury i plee unhealthy

in other words im sick and not wealthy

is something wrong with this pic

i need a doctor translation i need a deal

i aint sayin its gon cure me

i dont want to get healed

its just that some of yall bore me and really im ill

clean ya verses up ….. and stop tryna dance

and to the labels stop payin these whak niggaz advance

 

12:24 am
May 25, 2008


strifedivine

Moderator

Mid-West

posts 300

2

not bad..  structure was kinda fucked up n a few times i didn’t really see rhymes..  One thing that u need to do is make sure each ending word in a bar or line is the rhyme to the one before it..

like,

blah blah blah, yo i’m the shit,

cuz blah blah blah thats how i spit

just some retarded real simple quick rhyme but doing this will help your verses..  anyways, just keep doing your thing and take in as much advice as u can from kats that been rhymin for awhile..  strive to improve with each no verse u write n u will only get better!  thats my word!  PEACE!

12:51 am
May 25, 2008


Alex99

Foot Soldier

posts 64

3

Not bad man, I think its got some good potential so far, just gotta finish it all off. id say 7 outta 10 so far, keep workin at it. Peace!

1:47 am
May 25, 2008


Turtle

Capo

Brooklyn

posts 155

4

"
Please dont question me ill lay u out orally like a dentist"

Props on that one. 

 
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